Burnout? Me Too. This is What I Did!

Every week I attend a women’s support group… The conversations are raw, the solutions are powerful, and the coffee is great. A win/win/win. My dream scenario.

This year, we talked a lot about the feelings of burnout. Not only that, but feeling very anxious, overwhelmed, empty, and somewhat (or maybe very) unhappy.

One woman said: “What is happiness anyway? How does it even feel? I don’t remember the last time I felt really happy. On paper, everything is great: I do everything right, I have commitments, I lead at work, I take great care of my family. Is it because I’m not doing enough? The only time I experience little glimpses of giddiness is when I’m buying new shoes, purses, cosmetics. The thing is, I hardly use these things and they just sit in my closet, while I run around in my sweatpants, burned out to a crisp….What do I need to do to feel better? Is something wrong with me?!”

I listened and could so relate….

On paper, my life looked great as well. But when I finally reached all of my goals I’ve been striving so hard for, I was taken to the emergency room with symptoms of a heart attack. There in my hospital room, surrounded by a concerned medical team I was terrified, shocked, and in disbelief at the realization that if I were to die that day, I would have an incredible number of regrets.

What was shocking is that I accomplished literally everything I planned, I did everything that society expected me to do and was considered a success (on paper), and here I laid with 101 regrets, looking over my life, and thinking how I wasted it on board meetings, promotions, airports, and hotel takeouts-always running, always serving, always achieving. Exhausted, anxious, overwhelmed, depressed, and burnt out…..

Although it happened over 15 years ago now, and obviously, I’m still here… that feeling of shock and sadness over my burnout life I felt back then is still pretty fresh in my mind.

What I realized after that incident is that a lot of us women were never allowed to just BE. Our worth was always based on productivity, overproduction, busyness, overperformance, service to others, putting ourselves last, sweetness, cuteness, and overachievement. And the expectation was that all of this would be performed with perfection. When we underperformed, which was always (because we could never be perfect) we felt like a failure and it hurt.

Really bad.

So we went through life, exhausted, burnt out, depressed, and anxious from bombing this life thing every day, just never reaching that perfection mark.

And the only solution we knew to feel a little better was a stop at the mall for a new pair of shoes or that cute purse or that new lipstick called Firestarter which we bought for its name. We wanted to be the Firestarter in life, and we never were.

Because carpools, PTA meetings, volunteering, driving elderly parents to appointments, cooking meals for 6 people for a week, and demanding work with a very demanding boss is exhausting. We could not be a Firestarter and we knew it. So, we put that lipstick in the drawer, along with all the makeup, perfumes, jewelry, and everything else we bought to make us feel better and give us just a glimpse of the happiness everybody is talking about.

And we failed, yet again, as always. We weren’t perfect….

Thankfully, after that hospital incident 15 years ago I finally started to slowly change my ways through lots of support and guidance from trusted guides (think therapy, research, lots of self-help books and support groups!):

• I decided to take care and treat myself a little better, and learn how to be my own friend.

• I learned some boundaries, and some positive coping skills, I abandoned my (really) bad habits, and started nurturing relationships in my life.

• I tried numerous hobbies, went on adventures, and discovered what brings me joy and peace.

• I accepted that outside people, places, and things cannot bring me happiness and peace… (I know, shocking! And a total bomber!)

• I discovered that NOBODY is coming to save me, and it was REALLY up to ME to CHOOSE ME. AND HELP ME. Because, I discovered ME really really needed ME. In fact, ME was crying for ME. And I was looking EVERYWHERE else but ME to feel better …and ME was forever disappointed, exhausted, addicted, striving, overachieving, self-hating, and mainly, still burnt out and very unhappy!

I can tell you this was an incredibly long road. I learned a lot and as you know, I made it my purpose to share my message with the world, and it’s been my career to teach people how to take themselves better and how to live a full, healthy, and meaningful life.

Through the past 15 years of self-care, resilience, and wellbeing trainings, workshops, meetings, and support groups I met hundreds of thousands of people around the world and I KNOW that I was NOT alone in feeling forever exhausted, addicted, striving, overachieving, self-neglectful, burntout and very unhappy!

If you are reading this, my friend, I would venture to say you can relate. And I’m here to tell you, there is a solution!

Many, many years ago, when I sat crying on a therapist’s couch, unable to come up with even one thing I can do to self-care or show me a little self-love, my therapist said: “It’s okay, we can start together, with one little act of self-kindness at a time, one step at a time, and overtime, you’ll see your life unfold with grace, freedom, and love.” And I can tell you, it did.

And I would like to invite you, my friend, to show yourself a little self-love and self-care this week. Just a little. One thing at a time, one step at a time. And overtime, your life will unfold and surprise you in more ways than one!

And in case you need some ideas as to how exactly to do this, I invite you to check out and download the Self-Care Wheel tool I created in 2013 as a result of my long, very long journey of getting on my own team, having my own back, and learning how to take care of myself a little better. There are 88 self-care ideas on this wheel and you can choose just one.

See if this activity and this act of self-kindness can kickstart your journey out of burnout and to living, feeling, and being WELL. I can not wait to hear from you about the results! 🙂

If you’d like to have additional resources and tools on this journey, please check out the Ultimate Self-Care Starter Kit– an in-depth resource to create a flourishing and results-rich self-care practice, and as a direct result, a healthy, happy, and meaningful life you love.

PS. If you have a friend, a colleague, or a family member who could use some loving care in their lives, please share this email or the resources itself with them and brighten their day. Just a little. We all need this right now, so so much.